This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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