He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
