i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
