make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
