Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
