My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
