Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
