You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
