Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
