You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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