I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
areolas are like halos for boobs.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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