I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
