yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
