You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
