my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
