Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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