Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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