Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
