Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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