I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
