no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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