Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
