I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
