At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
