There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
