I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
