Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
