Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
