I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
