you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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