sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
