There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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