If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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