Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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