My first STD was from a foam party
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
