wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
