He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
