Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
