My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just tell him i said nine months
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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