ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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