i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
