Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
