I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
