how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
