Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
