onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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