She went from zero to smokin in five shots
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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