Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
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