So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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