there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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