This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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