party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
