i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
