My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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