I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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