i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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